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Category Archives: Movie Villainy

Just a point of clarification: everyone of these posts is about a character that I really do like in one or more movies that I also like.

Great Movie Villains, Volume II: Princess Fricking Buttercup!

19 Wednesday Oct 2011

Posted by danielwalldammit in Movie Villainy, Movies

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Film, Movie Villainy, Movies, Princess Bride, Story-Telling

True love, my ass!

What is it that her principal love interest keeps saying to lovely  Buttercup at the beginning of the movie? “As you wish.” Whatever Buttercup  tells him to do, Westley answers with “as you wish.” Seriously, if hearing that doesn’t make you shudder, then this witch’s powers have already reached through your flatscreen TV monitor and bitch-slapped the good sense out of your soul. That isn’t love; it’s co-dependency. Learn the difference people!

My God, what that poor soul, Westley, must have been through to have been reduced to such a wretched state by the start of our little fairy tale. And this is but the first caress, a mere taste of the suffering Buttercup is capable of inflicting on people. Long before Lt. Columbo begins to relate this tragic narrative to the helpless little boy he is about to horrify, the dreaded Butterup has already reduced our would-be hero to a mere shadow of a man.

But of course Westley’s suffering is only just beginning, because it is “true love” that keeps him alive when he is captured by pirates. Are we really supposed to believe that this witchcraft is benign? Small wonder that when our kitty-whipped hero re-emerges he is clothed in black just like any other form of living dead would be. One can only guess at the horrors his own victims have suffered, all at the hands of a man empowered by little other than his morbid devotion to a woman far away!

It does not end there, no. First the lovely miss Buttercup seduces a boat-load of innocent men and leads each of them one by one to their ruin. First Inigo, then Fezzik, and finally Vizzini, each in turn meets our mere shadow-of-a-man on their own terms, and each faulters in a test of his own greatest strength.  Are we really supposed to believe that the spineless little co-dependent has developed so many talents in his short years as an undead pirate? No, my friends, it was the malevolent power of the lovely Buttercup that weakened these once proud men and brought them all to ruin.

I know it’s a fairy tale; strange things are supposed to happen. My point is that fairies can be fricking scary. If Buttercup does not scare you yet, then you have got balls of steel my good reader.

Or do you?

Let us not even consider the many examples of Buttercup’s other monstrous powers; her moral destruction of a Prince and likely his entire kingdom, the reduction of a high priest in all his dignity to a mere Pythonesque caricature, the pointless slaughter of unusual and probably endangered swamp creatures, and the morbid double reanimation of twice-dead Westley by a pair of witches who conveniently enter the story just in time to keep the finally-vanquished abomination going.

Seriously, they say that it takes 4 witches to make a coven. We know who the first 3 are, but Princess Bride never reveals the fourth. I have my suspicions.

But that is of course the real power of Buttercup, Mistress of Ultimate Evil. She reaches right through the story and corrupts to heart of a young and defenseless boy. Does he not ask his uncle to read the part with all the kissing? And what self-respecting young boy would ever do that? None, I tell you. And in that moment, this movie reveals the real target of Buttercup’s mischief. It was the boy she was after all along. It was his heart she sought to corrupt, his will she sought to weaken. And she succeeded, did she not?

Buttercup’s powers are not merely restricted to characters in her own story. No, she has the capacity to reach right through the narrative frame and corrupt the hearts of those for whom she is supposed to be a mere character in a story.

And THAT my friends is precisely why you must fear this woman. Can you name any apparent chick-flick about which grown men have ever sung so many praises? How many self-respecting testosterone-poisoned grunt-brains have taken time away from a good wrestling match to tell you they actually like THAT movie, as if to suggest that this is the exception to their normal preferences. No, they haven’t succumbed to the power of the girlie-romance; it’s just that this movie is so damned good and so unusual that they cannot help but like it. The story of the Princess Bride is not really just another girlie-flick; it’s a romance movie that even men can love. That is what so many men want you to believe.

Take care, my friends! For, that is also what SHE wants you to believe.

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Great Movie Villains, Volume I: Surrender Dorothy!

16 Sunday Oct 2011

Posted by danielwalldammit in Movie Villainy, Movies

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Tags

Film, Movie Villainy, Movies, Wicca, Wizard of Oz

I was reading a forum discussion about great movie villains, and it suddenly occurred to me that people always seem to get this wrong. So, I wanted to say something about the REAL villains of the movies. None of this namby-pamby, “Oh Sauron is such a meanie, don’t take his rings” gift-horse-in-the-mouth kinda whinging. I mean, what’s a few orcs and black riders!?! That ain’t villainy. I want to get serious here and find the REAL thing. Truly evil movie characters that deserve their spot in the villainy hall of fame.

Let’s start with Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Now you’d think she was just another homeless teenager wandering the streets, you know. “Oh look, she’s so cute, and she sings too, maybe we should feed her,” that’s what most people seem to think. But I am not buying the “accidental” status of that first killing. No way man! Especially not when she takes the poor woman’s shoes. It’s a straight up smash and grab operation, no question about it. She pops the poor woman with a house and takes her stuff. I ask you, how is that NOT villainy?

And it’s awful damn convenient that Dorothy can’t take the shoes back off. Yeah right! I’m guessing whoever she has lined up to fence the rubies will do just fine when the time comes. Then she steals a scarecrow and a robot. Are we supposed to think the original owners had no use for them? As if that wasn’t enough, she goes and takes a lion out of the wild. I know it sounds PC to say this, but I’m telling you some creatures just aren’t meant to be used as pets.

Don’t even get me started about her thing with the Poppies. This isn’t the eighties anymore, you know people. Drugs are NOT cool!

And of course we’re supposed to be proud of her when we see little miss pigtails ruin the whole Wizard’s gig, but I’ve got no sympathy for hecklers who absolutely refuse to sit back and enjoy the show. The old guy was rather gracious about it, but that doesn’t change the fact that sweet little Dorothy proved herself to be one of the greatest spoilsports of all time in that scene. What’s next? Does she go to the mall and tell all the children Santa is really Uncle Bob?

I mean honestly, if you can’t enjoy the show, then please don’t ruin it for others. Sheesh!

And then there is the not-so-small matter of our little darling’s second victim. Accident my rootie tootie! Dorothy knew exactly what she was doing. And that’s two witches within the space of one show. I mean what does this woman have against Wiccans anyway!?! They’re a peaceful lot, never harmed anybody, but no, this sweet face is just an anti-Pagan killing machine. And we’re supposed to be happy she made it home? Happy she finally left, you mean. Now at last the people of Oz can begin to put their lives back together, whatever she left of them.

I’m telling you, for my book, this no-good little hussy has got to be one of the top movie villains of all time.

…and her little dog too!

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