I was reading a forum discussion about great movie villains, and it suddenly occurred to me that people always seem to get this wrong. So, I wanted to say something about the REAL villains of the movies. None of this namby-pamby, “Oh Sauron is such a meanie, don’t take his rings” gift-horse-in-the-mouth kinda whinging. I mean, what’s a few orcs and black riders!?! That ain’t villainy. I want to get serious here and find the REAL thing. Truly evil movie characters that deserve their spot in the villainy hall of fame.

Let’s start with Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Now you’d think she was just another homeless teenager wandering the streets, you know. “Oh look, she’s so cute, and she sings too, maybe we should feed her,” that’s what most people seem to think. But I am not buying the “accidental” status of that first killing. No way man! Especially not when she takes the poor woman’s shoes. It’s a straight up smash and grab operation, no question about it. She pops the poor woman with a house and takes her stuff. I ask you, how is that NOT villainy?

And it’s awful damn convenient that Dorothy can’t take the shoes back off. Yeah right! I’m guessing whoever she has lined up to fence the rubies will do just fine when the time comes. Then she steals a scarecrow and a robot. Are we supposed to think the original owners had no use for them? As if that wasn’t enough, she goes and takes a lion out of the wild. I know it sounds PC to say this, but I’m telling you some creatures just aren’t meant to be used as pets.

Don’t even get me started about her thing with the Poppies. This isn’t the eighties anymore, you know people. Drugs are NOT cool!

And of course we’re supposed to be proud of her when we see little miss pigtails ruin the whole Wizard’s gig, but I’ve got no sympathy for hecklers who absolutely refuse to sit back and enjoy the show. The old guy was rather gracious about it, but that doesn’t change the fact that sweet little Dorothy proved herself to be one of the greatest spoilsports of all time in that scene. What’s next? Does she go to the mall and tell all the children Santa is really Uncle Bob?

I mean honestly, if you can’t enjoy the show, then please don’t ruin it for others. Sheesh!

And then there is the not-so-small matter of our little darling’s second victim. Accident my rootie tootie! Dorothy knew exactly what she was doing. And that’s two witches within the space of one show. I mean what does this woman have against Wiccans anyway!?! They’re a peaceful lot, never harmed anybody, but no, this sweet face is just an anti-Pagan killing machine. And we’re supposed to be happy she made it home? Happy she finally left, you mean. Now at last the people of Oz can begin to put their lives back together, whatever she left of them.

I’m telling you, for my book, this no-good little hussy has got to be one of the top movie villains of all time.

…and her little dog too!