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Apparently, my inner child is a little girl

Apparently, my inner child is a little girl

Blessed are the demons in the flat box. Long have I lived without them, but now I sit once more at the feet of their nefarious lessons. They bring me great wisdom. And they bring me reality.

Shall I share that reality with you?

The lessons of the demon-box are many, but today I have learned it takes 3 booms to bang a stump, but afterward you get to piss on it. Just do it quick, because…

Winter is coming!

Food is always better somewhere else, even when that someplace else was where you once were and you didn’t notice while you were there. It’s too late though, don’t bother going back, because the outstanding diners will just be wherever you are whenever you ain’t. Accepting this fact is the beginning of wisdom.

Eric Holder gets a gas face, dammit!

Sit-com humor is largely a function of empathy. When the magic audience in the box laughs, we laugh with them. I can’t think of any other reason we would be laughing at this shit.

Okay 30-Rock gets a pass, and I actually saw an SNL skit that wasn’t entirely bad. There is a medical show that doesn’t make me want to claw my eyes out. The demons show me mercy through these brief moments of respite.

Apparently, there are trees and mountains in Alaska. They are just hiding from me.

Life is always about survival, or at least Survivor. You may think that you are cooking a meal worthy of a four-star restaurant, but no, the real point is that Bubba and Judy want you to vote Latisha off, but she’s ready to make a deal, just like swimming for big sister, and living on a deserted island. You think it’s about securing protein and building a shelter so you don’t die? No, the real danger is that Lori and Jake have formed a team and they are looking at you funny. That is the great trope of life. The greatest of life or death struggles are, at bottom, a sort of popularity contest.

Weddings are bad! …okay, we knew this, but now it’s confirmed.

Iced coffee earns you Sparkles.

Game of Thrones isn’t on nearly enough.

The cameras on a cop’s dash cam are not to be trusted. When the narrator tells me the cop quickly pushes a civilian out of the way of a crash, the camera shows me  the crash ending just before he can get started. When the narrator tells me a perpetrator is attacking the cop, I see a man clearly trying to walk away. I am convinced the magic of these cameras is powerful beyond belief.

Storage units and the people who buy stuff in them are… zzzzzzz. Who would have thunk it?

I sure hope my tiny speaker recharges soon, because I think I’d rather listen to the music demons. Speaking of which…